Savages review

A Mexican drug cartel decides to focus all of its efforts on kidnapping a self-confessed slapper from a couple of “super-cool” “super-clever” hemp twats.

This is Oliver Stone, right? Oliver Stone? Famous director Oliver Stone? Largely widely respected, decades-long contributor to cinema Oliver Stone? Right? Oh, it is. So, what? Was he just high on the pot props when he made Savages?

This weekend the venerable director appeared on The Andrew Marr Show extolling the virtues of the film. The man’s intellect is about as convincing as a pink Rolex. “A good movie plays the world and that’s one of the great attractions to me of making them” he says. Then why don’t you do that, Ollie? Referring to a line spoken of an ex-soldier in the film, “he has wargasms not orgasms” he says. With a straight face! He actually says this with a straight face! A straight face with a proud smile, in fact! Is this in the frackin’ book the film’s based on? The maniac thinks that not only does it avoid being a cringeworthy, awful line but actually succeeds in being deep, clever and wonderful. Batshit crazy. Next week Andrew Marr will be interviewing Miley Cyrus about LOL.

I’m having an increasingly maddening problem with filmmakers who think they are producing something tremendously deep but when you dive in you crack your skull open and break your neck on the rocks of solidified crap that lie centimetres below the surface. Oliver Stone is far from alone in doing this but, lordy, the man is better than Savages, surely.

Although there are some flashes of style, with its central simple, stupid, rotting core, super-saturated visuals (a nod to the late Tony Scott?) and utterly abysmal acting (what was the direction? “No! That’s too convincing! Be more wooden! Benicio! Not like that! Like in the Magnum adverts!”?), if you didn’t know it was Oliver Stone behind the camera you would have to assume it was only ever intended to be a throwaway action romp for drooling brain dead teenagers. But it wasn’t. And that makes me cry blood.

1 out of 5

23rd Sep 2012 | On IMDb